


14 years of roses

by DaftDarius



Category: Guns N' Roses
Genre: 1980s, Alcohol, Angst, Childhood Friends, Denial of Feelings, Deterioration of Relationship, English, Growing Up, Growing Up Together, Hanahaki Disease, Homophobia, Illustrations, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Musicians, One-Sided Attraction, Religious Guilt, Rock Stars, Self-Denial, Suffering, Swearing, Teen Angst, Teen Crush, Teenagers, United States, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24443836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaftDarius/pseuds/DaftDarius
Summary: Axl has been in love with Izzy for too long, but could not tell him about that. Shame, unwillingness to accept his feelings, fear of losing his best friend — all this made the seed of unrequited love grow inside Axl with red roses.
Relationships: Axl Rose & Izzy Stradlin, Axl Rose/Izzy Stradlin
Kudos: 15





	14 years of roses

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [14 years of roses](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24422392) by [DaftDarius](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaftDarius/pseuds/DaftDarius). 



> This is a translation of my work, if you see a mistake, please report it. Enjoy!

Bill was feeling sick all day long. The reason of it, as he believed, was that he drank too much at his yesterday’s walk with Jeff. The guy was certain he’s had enough to get drunk, but still not enough for alcohol poisoning. After all, he did know his norm. However, his body seemed to rebel against him, and his stomach went in knots. «Just hope I don’t throw up in front of dad», – that’s the thought Bill clinged onto the entire day. If dad finds out his son drank alcohol, it won’t end well for Bill.  
He only felt that lump in his throat late in the evening when he was about to go to bed. And right when he felt it, Bill rushed to the bathroom, shut the door and bent over the toilet barely holding it back by that time. He closed his eyes tight and suddenly began coughing, silently praying his vomit won’t be all over. And when he finally opened the eyes, he noticed something bizarre. Several red petals were floating in the toilet. Could be roses. Confused, Bill stared at them trying to figure out how they got there. Dad gave mom flowers? Unlikely. The prick is too greedy. Did someone bring them for Amy? No. She’s too small. Not only that, why would flowers be in the toilet? Who’d want to flush them? Bill was pretty sure he hasn’t seen them before he closed his eyes. But what if he just hasn’t noticed them in a state of panic? However, the sickness was gone, and the guy stood up.  
– Hey Bill, are you alright? – Stuart asked from behind the door.  
– Yeah… I’m fine, – Bill replied, keeping his eyes on the red petals. Then he pressed the flush button. The petals got lost in the sewer. Forever.

A few days later he felt sick in school. Not as sick as the last time, though. Bill thought that the tuna sandwich he had in the cafeteria might have been stale. This could be the cause of his sickness. He shared his guesses with Jeffrey.  
– Are you going to go to the bathroom? Do you want me to hold your hair?  
– No thanks, I think it’s not that bad, – Bailey shook his head. – You go alone, I’ll join you later.  
Jeffrey nodded and went to the class. And Bill went to the bathroom and locked himself in one of the stalls. Two fingers down his throat were a great help. His entire lunch came out, and… Bill glared at red petals, which stood out greatly. He just froze up, slightly terrified, and couldn’t figure out what just happened. No, they couldn’t be here before he appeared. Could it be they came out of him? Impossible. He couldn’t eat off someone’s flowerbed when he and Jeff were roaming the city streets while drunk, right? Even if it were true, the petals would have left his body a long ago. The guy jumped to his feet and ran out of the bathroom stall. The inner tension started to rise. Bill washed his face and checked himself in the mirror. Everything appeared to be fine… The school bell did not leave him the opportunity to keep thinking about that episode. And he wanted to forget it as soon as it was only possible. If dad finds out, he’s sure to say it’s some kind of devilry and make him go to the church daily. Probably even will call an exorcist.

Flowers constantly reminded of themselves. Once a couple of days, Bill coughed up several petals every now and then and tried to get rid of them as soon as possible, hoping that no one would notice. Especially his family. Such incidents caused a panic attack. Obvious questions about the nature of what was happening to him did not leave his head. Bill was afraid to go to the doctor with such a symptom - he will surely be considered crazy. It was scary. Bill rummaged through all the biology books in the town library, but not a word about the people coughing up petals was in them.  
At the same time, Bill started to have pains in his heart, but the guy reacted more calmly to this at first. It was clearly more understandable than coughing up foreign bodies. When the pain did not disappear after a couple of days, Bill finally decided to tell his mother about it, and they went to the hospital. He did not want to lose his ability to do the running because of his negligence. However, after the examination, the doctor said that everything was fine with him. At home, Bill received a hurtful from his father for the «simulation». The pain in his heart didn’t abate.

Bailey began to notice a strange pattern. The bouts of coughing and pain in the heart occurred some time after talking with Jeffrey. Or if the guy was thinking too much about him. Jeffrey... The only person who accepted him as he is. A contentious, quick-tempered idealist who dreams of leaving this damned town and showing the whole world what he is capable of. The only person he could trust. The more he thought about Jeffrey, the more his heart began to ache. Bill coughed; a red petal flew out of his mouth onto the pillow.  
Recently, Bill has been thinking of his friend as more than a friend more often, and these thoughts have frightened him. “Homosexuality is a sin, William”, – his dad said. Not that he was an authority, but the guy had a bad opinion of gays. They were not liked at school, they were bullied. They were outcasts. And Bill did not want to become an even greater outcast, no matter how much he did not want to admit it. He already was not a favorite of the family, teachers, and classmates. And the mere thought of having sex with a man made him writhe in disgust.  
And yet, Jeffrey was more than just a friend. Bill stared at the petal on the pillow. So, he was right. It was somehow connected with Isbell.

_By modestbreeze_

He had to learn how to use makeup even earlier than some of the girls from his school. And not because he, as he dreamed, began to perform on stage. The blame was on sprouts, which began to grow from different parts of his body every now and then. Bill noticed a strange bulge on his hip during a running training. The shorts rubbed his skin in one particular place, and only in the locker room he was able to find out what was the reason. The bulge did not cause any discomfort, it did not even seem to hurt when touched or pressed, it was pliant.  
– You better go see the doctor, – Bill didn’t even notice how the other guy from the team approached him. – Is there a tumor? To be taken off the team right before the competition would be a bummer.  
– Yes, I should do that, – Bailey nodded and hurried to pull on his trousers. The gut feeling told him that it was better not to show up at doctor’s office.  
It did not fail him. The next day, the guy woke up from a pain in his hip when he turned on his side. He opened his eyes and looked under the blanket. A green spiked stem stuck out of his thigh, six centimeters long, and there was a bud on it. Bill was horrified at how quickly this thing grew, yesterday it was not there. He was more or less accustomed to these damn petals and endured the pains in his heart, but only now he realized one horrifying thing: if the petals were coughed up, then there should be whole flowers inside of him. Bill jerked, imagining how roses grow from his insides. They can simply tear him from inside out if they continue to grow at the same pace. In a panic, the guy grabbed the stem, ignoring the spikes digging into his palms, and pulled it. It caused severe pain in the muscle, and a moan from unexpectedness broke from his lips. Bill froze – he heard his brother rolling over in his bed, and the guy did not want to wake him. «I can’t rip it out, – he thought, still holding on to the stem. – And if I just cut it off?»  
When the rustling behind his back died down, Bill sat down, pulled on his shorts and a T-shirt and looked out of the room. By the sounds he could tell that his mother was cooking in the kitchen, and his father wasn’t home. Bill slid past the kitchen to the door leading to the backyard. He found garden scissors in the grass to the left of the door, rinsed them from a hose from dirt (he still did not forget about some minimal hygiene), and sat down on the doorstep for convenience. He placed the scissors as close to the base of the stem as possible. Then pressed a little, trying to understand if he was feeling pain through a flower. It seems he didn’t... Bill tried to get rid of the fucking rose in one quick motion. It fell on the grass, leaving a white cut on the guy's thigh, with which he could not do anything. Bill tried to tear it out of his skin again, squeeze it out, poke it with scissors, it was no use – he sat there deeply. With anger from his own helplessness, the guy threw the scissors into the grass, offensively snuffing at them, as if it was their fault. But having calmed down a bit after a splash of emotions, he decided to take a closer look at the bud. The thought slipped through his mind, he thought of giving it to my mother – she loves flowers. And the bud looks like it will blossom tomorrow if you put it in the water. At least this infection could feast the eyes. Bill picked up the flower, but as soon as his fingers touched the stem, he realized that it was not intended for mom. With a jerky movement Bailey lifted the lid of the trash can, threw the ill-fated plant there and hurried into the house.  
Sprouts became a problem when they began to appear in places not hidden under clothing. Bill was ready to howl in despair. It was a torture to wear closed clothes even during the heat and to explain to everyone that he was just cold and that they should not look at him like he is and idiot. And of course, he had to skip running trainings. It could not go on like this – summer was just around the corner and spending it in turtlenecks and jeans would be a crime against oneself. The idea came to the guy when he saw how his mother was doing her makeup before going to the store. His attention was attracted by the foundation, which she left on the nightstand by the mirror after her departure. While no one was around, Bill grabbed a bottle of the cosmetic product and ran into the bathroom.  
After locking the door, he squeezed out a bit too much of foundation for such a thing on his finger and tried to cover up the remnant of the freshly cut stem that grew out of his shoulder. Of course, it was noticeable and stood out from the skin. But if you look from very far away... And at least it’s not green. He could say that this is some kind of medical tube if someone notices it. It was necessary to come up with more excuses. However, when Bill went to school the next day, he surprisingly did not need them. The guy was very worried when one of his classmates spoke to him, but for the whole school day he did not receive a single question about this thing. Although several stubby stems were sticking out of his hands, no one noticed them. Or maybe they simply did not want or did not need to see them.

Over time, Bill realized why the flowers began to grow. A few days before the first sprout, he saw Jeff walking with some girl. Bill decided not to intervene, maybe he was having a date. In fact, he simply run away, wishing that he didn’t see it at all. Was she Jeff’s friend? Or a love interest? The guy could not endure thoughts about the second possibility – it began to hurt unbearably in the chest, as if someone was tearing his heart muscle with a blunt rusty knife. After a couple of weeks, Bill finally dared to ask what kind of relationship was between Isbell had that girl. It turned out that she was his cousin and came to stay with his family for a week. Bill had a weight off his shoulders.  
Flowers did not stop growing, it just happened less frequently and with less intensity. But it hurt anyway. For the first time, Bailey apparently did not notice this because of the adrenaline rush that surged through him. But sometimes the flowers sprouted not only at night, and when the stem was ready to break through the guy’s skin, the pain was significant. He could not touch the formed bulge, clenching his jaw every time he accidentally touched it in any way. It was difficult not to touch the bulges by accident – they appeared all over his body and did not allow him to live calmly. Especially when the bulges appeared on the ass, God, Bill hated those days. At some point, the flower did pierce the skin and burst out, causing just a slight bleeding to Bill's surprise. The most unpleasant thing was to feel the spikes creep out from under the skin, but over time he got used to it. It passed quickly, leaving behind a stem with a juicy bud of a red rose that was fed up by the guy's blood. For all his life in Lafayette, Bill did not allow a single bud to open, fearing that someone would finally see them. And at the same time, fearing the consequences that could appear.

***

Axl always laughed sadly at the silly irony of his life, thinking about his real name. The one he received from his father, and the one that now was written in his passport. This bastard was still able to predict the fate of his abandoned son.  
For the first time, flowers bloomed on his body during another self-isolation from the outside world. Waves of oppressive doom covered him again and again over the past few days and threw him onto the sharp cliffs of hopelessness. Glory, money – and so what? The main thing was missing in his life. Love. Mutual. He was missing Izzy. In his tempestuous youth, immediately after moving to Los Angeles, Axl tried to drown the pain of unrequited feelings and stupid roses with alcohol, drugs, easy-going girls – he quickly realized that everything was useless. He decided to leave the girls in the completely blind hope that he would someday fall in love with one of them. That it will be like in some fucking melodrama – she, that one who will work in the strip club, and he, like the rich famous prince on BMW, will fall in love and take her, that one, to his big house in Malibu, and he will marry her, that one, and they will live happily ever after. Only Axl did not need that one. He needed **_the one_**.  
Rose knew that his feelings were not mutual. Izzy never showed the same feelings in his direction. The friendship between them was strong, and suddenly it cracked, as it seemed to Rose. Because of him, and that made the man feeling even worse. He knew that he behaved like the last asshole, not appearing at the rehearsal, and taking his anger out on everyone. Everyone was tired of his whims, even his best friend, who had repeatedly tried to have a talk with him. But Axl was afraid to see him. He was afraid that he would break, it was painful to see Izzy. At some point in a state of alcohol intoxication, he almost broke down and already dialed a number to finally express all that tormented him for more than a dozen years. However, when Stradlin picked up the phone, the man could not pronounce a single sound. He wrote dozens of songs, including ones about love, but Izzy’s confession simply didn’t work out, it didn’t sound as it should. It did not convey all that he had to tell him. Words would simply not be enough, therefore, after another one interrogative «Hello? Axl?», he hastened to hung up.  
It was then, at the time of such an oppressive loneliness, Axl was able to forget at least a little about the physical pain, which decreased because of the mental one. He did not get out of bed for several days, did not eat, and hardly slept. And he did not cut the grown buds, which blossomed into beautiful flowers.

***

When Izzy showed him the lyrics for the new song, Axl had to reread it several times to get to the point. The first reading embarrassed him, the second alerted him, the third forced him to finally raise his eyes to the guitarist, who had been sitting silently beside him all this time and smoking. If a love letter had an antonym, that would be how Axl described this song. And this song was written for him. It was as if Rose was grabbed by the throat and smashed by his head several times on the coffee table in front of him, and then thrown off the cliff. The heart clenched in a vise, and all the wounds from the stems started to burn. He was more afraid of this than beatings from his stepfather in childhood, more than dying drunk in some ditch from hunger and overdose in his youth. Yes, more than death itself.  
– I'm leaving the band, – Izzy said in a steady voice and put out the cigarette in the ashtray. He got up from the couch, took his jacket and left.

And at night this happened. Axl woke up feeling as if something had exploded inside him. Wild pain pierced his entire body, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. When Rose opened his eyes, he thought it was still a bad dream. Dozens of stems burst from his body at the same time, like spears. Roses blossomed on them instantly – the man did not even have time to open his eyes by that moment. Scarlet roses towered before his eyes, swaying beautiful inflorescences, and dropping delicate petals onto his bed. Axl's body looked like a garden flower bed. The flowers exuded a sweet scent that drove him crazy. There were too many roses, they strangled him with a smell, pierced all his organs, and especially his heart with sharp thorns. Axl tried to make a sound – the petals have stuck in his throat, and he coughed, inflicting more pain on himself. The attempt to move had the same result – any movement rocked the flowers above him and pulled the roots that sank deep into his body, and sticked him much stronger on those flowers that tried to sprout from his back. The man was clamped on both sides, not knowing what to do. Trying to crawl to the scissors or the phone would be suicide – the stems and thorns will stick even deeper. The only thing that remained to do only to close his eyes and lie still. Axl just accepted it. He will not move anywhere else.  
He woke up on a bed of roses, but completely alone. And on it he will fall asleep.


End file.
